No apt title

I've left draft.blogger on for a few days, but never once figured out how to update the stuff I wanted to type here. I think, what I'm feeling is a little to abstract and complicated to put into public words. So I tried going into private.draft today, and still nothing came out.

What's wrong??

Maybe I don't know how to organize my thoughts properly before putting them in pen and paper. I still think the good o' diary works best, except that it's literally pen and paper so after a substantial entry, the hands get tired from writing too much, and that is why, maybe not primarily, but certainly part of the reason why I ended up having a online diary.

Think I need to sort out my feelings and stuff right now. It's confusing until I can't even make sense of it myself. What's to say direction, goals, etc etc.. Can't envision myself 10 years down the road. And it's pretty scary that she's only 2 years older than me but getting all ready to get married, and then I'm thinking where will I be 2 years later? Though I'm still very very happy for her.

I know I'm pretty certain that NIE is the way to go, but who's to say I won't be bored after say, 5 yrs or even lesser? Even though I know I enjoy teaching tuition now, teaching a class is an entirely different thing as with the AHS stint. At the very least, I know I'm able to interact with the students and I do enjoy teaching. Need to sit down and reflect soon. And actually, I rather enjoy what I'm doing now. The young company's one thing, the fact that I'm learning new stuff is another thing. At least it keeps my brain from rotting.

If only I had seniors to talk to before I entered university to actually advise me on what the hell was going on and stuff.. Like I sometimes talk to the people younger than me right now, because I've been through enough during university to actually share some stuff. Strangely, all the seniors either disappeared, or disappeared when my batch entered university. No one to ask around, we all entered blindly and without ample information. Maybe I could and would have different stands, maybe I wouldn't be in Science, maybe I would have taken up other stuff, maybe this, maybe that.

It's no good to always live in the past, so I only think about it once in a while. But honestly thinking back, some things I regret, others I don't. I actually don't regret the life I had after I've graduated, because well, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. I'll just take it as enjoying life before actual work starts. Perhaps the only thing I should regret is not concentrating enough in university to attain good grades so that I actually can choose which path I wanted to go.

And there's still the other part which I don't really wanna sort it out now. Homosapiens are always such complicated creatures.

And this is by far the latest I've slept in a month for a workday. Have to find some officers tomorrow at 8.30 sharp. Bah I should sleep.