Great. I'm blogging instead of studying for kanji test.
House's too quiet. And I have a sudden need for music to be played. Oh and I realize, 7th month's passed for an entire hour.
Ramblings. I turned to Mayday. Very infatuated with them after the concert.
Sparked off a conversation with Nic because ADAD refused to accept our lunch money. I'm almost embarrassed to be getting treats so often from him. The day will come when I will treat him back, let's just not hope that we end up at Rochester. Lol.
Before I forget, thanks again ADAD! This man leaves me in awe as much as my other inspiring teachers and mentors, for various reasons, and NO, free lunches is not a reason. Haha. I respect him so much, in so many aspects. He makes a very good boss :)
The whole point about the conv with Nic leads me back to thinking about my easy guilt traps. And I realize that while I'm still childish to some point, I don't use guilt traps on other people for the sake of obtaining something. For some entertainment, maybe, but never to gain anything out of it, no matter what the other party has guilt trapped me into. And it's not because I'm completely selfless, it's because my freaking conscience tells me I'll be guilty myself if I do it to others.
Guided by a caution, not because of willingness. Now that's homosapiens. All selfish, but to different extents and for different purposes. No one's ever guided by the pure goodness, there's always some hesitation because of the consequences, not because of the pure nature of the act.
And there's where our weaknesses come about. For all the people in the world, I must have the most weaknesses, where a gentle prod in most directions send me spiralling everywhere, anywhere. If only I know where the prods are coming from, and how to prevent them. Withdrawing into my shell doesn't seem to help, it seems. For all that recurring nightmare and what it means, yes it's almost accurate, except that I don't know why it stopped, because I have not overcome the problem. And I have no idea why I can listen to any song these days and feel too emotional about it. Which is why fast mayday songs are probably a very good idea right now.
House's too quiet. And I have a sudden need for music to be played. Oh and I realize, 7th month's passed for an entire hour.
Ramblings. I turned to Mayday. Very infatuated with them after the concert.
Sparked off a conversation with Nic because ADAD refused to accept our lunch money. I'm almost embarrassed to be getting treats so often from him. The day will come when I will treat him back, let's just not hope that we end up at Rochester. Lol.
Before I forget, thanks again ADAD! This man leaves me in awe as much as my other inspiring teachers and mentors, for various reasons, and NO, free lunches is not a reason. Haha. I respect him so much, in so many aspects. He makes a very good boss :)
The whole point about the conv with Nic leads me back to thinking about my easy guilt traps. And I realize that while I'm still childish to some point, I don't use guilt traps on other people for the sake of obtaining something. For some entertainment, maybe, but never to gain anything out of it, no matter what the other party has guilt trapped me into. And it's not because I'm completely selfless, it's because my freaking conscience tells me I'll be guilty myself if I do it to others.
Guided by a caution, not because of willingness. Now that's homosapiens. All selfish, but to different extents and for different purposes. No one's ever guided by the pure goodness, there's always some hesitation because of the consequences, not because of the pure nature of the act.
And there's where our weaknesses come about. For all the people in the world, I must have the most weaknesses, where a gentle prod in most directions send me spiralling everywhere, anywhere. If only I know where the prods are coming from, and how to prevent them. Withdrawing into my shell doesn't seem to help, it seems. For all that recurring nightmare and what it means, yes it's almost accurate, except that I don't know why it stopped, because I have not overcome the problem. And I have no idea why I can listen to any song these days and feel too emotional about it. Which is why fast mayday songs are probably a very good idea right now.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment